He can but He won't???

        What do we do or think about first when we are confronted with issues, setbacks, or pain? Usually, we will do everything we can to improve our situation, or we question God like, "Lord, why are you allowing these things to happen in my life?" or "Lord, I already planned my life, Why are you ruining it?'' and a lot more.  We assume that we know what's best in the first place. When God does not follow our plans, he must be wrong, right? or sometimes we even think that God is punishing us because of our wrongdoings. 

But when the trial comes, we rely on our own strength and knowledge, because we think that this is God's Punishment versus us,  and then, when we run out of ways to solve our problems, that is the time that we run to God, and if nothing happens, we ask Him why He is allowing bad things to occur. 

But who are we to question him?

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.   Jeremiah 29:11,NIV

   Isn't it comforting to know that the one who holds your future is the God who created the heavens and the earth? 

God's ways are higher than we can fully understand, but we can trust that He will always be faithful to His promises, before a word to your tongue, the Lord knows it. Nothing is hidden from His sight, on the other hand, we are limited in knowledge, we cannot know what's best for us because we are not the creator, but a small part of his creation. 

The reality is that believing in Jesus doesn't exclude us from facing genuine fears and anxieties, that's for sure, the path to happiness and peace is not always a straight line but we can always find reassurance in the detours of life because He has proved that in all His ways He will always work altogether for your good, and Because He is God, His hands are big enough to hold what yours cannot. A good father may not always explain himself to his children, but He is acting out of love.  

So the next question is If He is not Punishing me, What is He doing? Why do we need to face trials?

God tells us not to be afraid, even when we do not see any hope in our circumstances. Why? because He is God, and even the winds and the sea obey him. He will only let the storm rage as long as He knows our good and his glory must be revealed. God knows what He is doing, even when we do not; and His plan is good and better than ours. Problems we can't fix are opportunities to know the truth- we can't do life on our own. Learn to wait on Him rather than working hard in self-reliance. 

Yes, It's painful, but to reach our maximum potential, we have to experience suffering and trials-we can't always be happy, there are chances that we will cry, we will have a hard time or we will be tested, but everything is part of our journey in reaching what is meant for us. Accepting that we are weak is absolutely fine, I find it useless to carry a facade of strength when all we feel is weakness. By His grace, despite our unbelief and pride, the Lord takes our misguided emotions and failing hearts and fills us with his strength and presence. We are unfit, breakable, disposable vessels, and God has decided to use our weakness to display his power and love.

God has a way of using painful circumstances to move us in a direction we never would have chosen,  He will destroy everything that was made to destroy us. Only God knows fully what's His purposes are in the circumstances He allows. 

There are times that we feel like, God doesn't understand us, but remember, Jesus walked a harder path, He is the only one who can enter into our pain, fully and completely,  and he did it all for you and me.  He alone knows our hearts, temperments, insecurities, fears, emotions, and desires. Christ walked the lonely road of calvary so that we may never have to walk any road apart from him. 

So, the next time you think again that you are being punished by God, know that your punishment has already been served, on a wooden cross, by Another. remember His past faithfulness, His love, and purpose, and His promises about your future. 

We may have trials, suffering, and pain, but we have hope beyond our pain, joy beyond the heartache, and life beyond death because we have God with nail marks on his hands who holds our future. The same God that created the heavens and the earth is the same God that promised you to give you hope and a future. 

This suffering will not last forever. Have Faith and trust the Lord. 
HE IS TOO WISE TO BE MISTAKEN. 

God bless :) 

Blue Zone

3 straight days and counting
These eyes can't stop pouring
of tears and asking
Why?

Why I'm here again
why Am I coming back here
I thought i made it
I thought I can

I did it before
I got out from that blue zone
But it's like a drug for my soul
Like an ill without cure

Why everytime i dance with joy
Pain cuts in and destroy
My heart is shattered
No one cared

Facade

From her feet you'll see
How she walks graciously
Her thighs are not shaped perfectly
but she's dancing freely
Her body is not flawless
but she's embracing it definitely
No insecurities
No doubts,
No fears

But behind her smile
Is she really fine?

If you look into her mind
you'll see..
how thorny was her journey
Her being happy genuinely
is next to imposible
She's getting addicted by her own sadness.
Peace was never a thing inside
unless she's sleeping
With all the doubts,fears,regrets and everything,
she's empty.
She hates her life
You see how colorful her life is,
but her mind is colorblind

Its in her eyes all along
you never noticed. 

Is it Okay to be OA?

   Have you ever been told you're overreacting or do you often ask yourself "Am I just being too sensitive?" over some situation? Me as well. 

 And sometimes, I tend to think the same to other people. 

But when we can say that someone is just overreacting or overly sensitive? Comparing, I guess. We may think that if you were in their situation, you won't react like how they react. But that's the case, you're not in their situation...You don't feel what they felt. 

(Storytime) 😂

Back then, I have this classmate, she is kind and sweet but sometimes, I don't want to talk to her because "simple things" hurt her feelings. I tried to observe her behavior but no matter how I think about it I just always thought "OA nya naman, para yun lang umiyak na" but when I experienced it myself, I felt bad. Because now I finally understand her. 

Who am I to tell her what she should feel? 

Who am I to think that what she felt was wrong? 

Who am I to invalidate her emotions? 

We don't have the same personal histories and of course, it influences how we respond to situations. Each and every one of us has our own unique way to manage our feelings and processing our emotions; "Little things" for you might not be little things for them and vice versa. We all have to understand that. 

When we invalidate someone it means you don't understand them, or if you do, you just don't care.

I realize that I can't understand someone until I walk into their shoes. 

 There are times that I got in to fight because when i finally have the courage to finally speak what was bothering me, instead of receiving an apology, they find a way to make me feel bad and it leave me felt worse than i felt before. So I regret even saying anything. I became fearful of opening up again. 

Don't let anyone decide what you should feel. It's your own body after all. 

I'm learning not to invalidate my own feelings, but also not share them with others as long as I can. I would rather die of loneliness and anxiety than sharing my feelings with someone that will invalidate my feelings. No one lives in my body but ME. If there is someone who has to understand me. THAT SHOULD BE ME. (JB) 😂

Treat yourself like how you would treat someone that you love. When you love someone you protect them from the pain, you don’t become the cause of it. It's not your fault if you don't know what's happening inside your body. What you felt, is what you felt. Just because someone is telling you that you're feeling is inappropriate to that situation, doesn't mean it's wrong to feel that way. Emotions are inevitable, and you're allowed to feel whatever. We are all humans. 

May you not be a reason  why someone is thinking that there is something wrong with her just because she don't respond the way you expected. Life is hard especially nowadays, we are facing our own giants so

Be Kind. Tomorrow is not promised. Words hurt more than knife can do. If she says she's hurt. She is. Acknowledge, Listen and Love. 

...and oh, Yes I think it's Okay to be OA. You're fine. There's nothing wrong with you. 😉

You Can't Give What You Don't Have

YOU CAN'T GIVE WHAT YOU DON'T HAVE.
Basic phrase but very Correct. Right?
Whether in physical things or skills that asked you to do. We simply can't do it or give it because we don't have it. But this phrase doesn't always work with LOVE. 

Us people, we have this idea of perfection wherein we love what's perfect, and us being us, we know that we are far from perfection because we can see what's in our hearts, what's our thoughts, our darkest secrets, and past mistakes that's why sometimes it's not easy to love ourself. A lot of times, we feel frustrated with what we're doing to the point that we think we don't deserve to be loved.

 But how can you fill someone's love tank if your's is empty? 

Learning to love yourself is one of the most powerful and important things you can do in life. You have to become the source of love that will fill your heart.

There is nothing wrong with giving love to other people, but don't make someone else a reason for your own happiness. Try finding it inside your own self. You have to have good self-respect, love, and esteem to be able to love in a healthy way. 

Before I beg for other people to stay in my life and to do that, whatever they do or say bad toward me, it's fine, or if they ask me to do things, I'll do it. Just for them to stay. In short, It's okay for me to be manipulated and used; though it hurts, I'll just endure it. I gave out so much attention, time, effort, care, and love without receiving that same energy in return, but one day I woke up and realized how stupid I am for allowing these things to happen.

There's a point in our life when we allow our world to revolve around just one person, but what will happen if he/she left? Maybe, happiness will also leave us. I love this quote from Fred Rogers: "Solitude is different from loneliness." Often, we feel like being alone or having no partner is equal to being lonely, but it's not. You just have to let your world revolve around you, not because you can't find someone to love or not because you're unworthy to be accepted or cared for but because you deserve to wake up smiling, happy because you know how to fight alone and feels right because your happiness doesn't depend on other people anymore, and ready to make mistakes again. 

Give yourself liberation from situations that you don't deserve.

You have to put in mind that you are a human being; we are naturally imperfect and fragile, but we are beautiful in our own ways, and we can live a purposeful life even though we are far from being perfect. You don't need someone to make you feel loved, though it feels right to be loved and appreciated by others; the point is we have to learn to be okay without the validation of other people; I'm in the phase of life where I'm okay if people block me or unblock me, they conversate with me or not, they care about me or not, they judge me or not, life goes on. I am secured that there will be people who will choose to stay in my life and love all of me. 

We have to learn how to validate and appreciate ourselves. We love not because we want to prove to the world that forever exists but because we want to be happy while still alive. Falling in love will make every morning worth getting up for, but to feel that love doesn't require another person beside you on your bed or texting you "Good Morning." or someone that can give you flowers and gifts; You can fall in love with everything around you, you can fall in love with the sunset, the moon, the dogs, etc. and most especially you can fall in love with yourself, with your own unique beauty and appreciate the person you are now. 

You cannot truly love if you cannot love yourself while you're alone. The moment you love yourself the right way, you will be ready to share that love with the one who deserves to take care of your heart. You have to fill your own love tank so that you can share that love with the people that will love all of you, not just the side of you that's sweet, caring, gentle, and happy; but can also love your hard edges, your grumpy moods, jealousy, attitude, darkest secrets, and insecurities. I'm so grateful to those rare individuals that accepted me for who I am, people who made me feel so special, and people who listened to me without judgments and understood without pretension, and loved me without conditions. 

Knowing both of my good and bad sides makes it hard for me to fall in love with myself sometimes. But now, I'm ready for it; I'm ready to make mistakes and grow from them. I'm learning how to express my most intense emotions without completely falling apart. I learned how to be kind and to forgive myself.  I know that there will be days that I will feel insecure and unappreciated, and that's okay. This world is full of uncertainties, and we have to be ready to let go of the things and the people that we love, but we have to make sure that when that happens, we're still whole and have a heart that is ready to give love because you don't run out of it because you have enough left for yourself.  

Happy Fridaaay! :)))

Still Grateful. 2020

A lot of you will agree if I say 2020 is the worst year ever. From January to December, bad things are happening. From wildfires in Australia, Kobe Bryant's death, Volcanic eruptions,  one typhoon after another, and of course, the COVID-19 pandemic. Some dreams need to temporarily stop because we are in quarantine for a couple of months; there are people who lost their job, businesses, and even loved ones. I can't believe that it all happened in just one year.  It was a difficult and trying year for all of us, indeed. 

But... this year also taught us important things. 

Number one is to be patient. This year, everything stops. Many plans have been canceled, and we are all obliged to wait; in that way, we are also obliged to be patient because we can do nothing about it. We learn that it is okay to slow down sometimes. Number two, 2020 taught us to know what really matters, and that is not your job, your money, nor your possessions. Our RELATIONSHIP with our family, friends, and to God, and 2020 gave us a lot of time to spend with them. This season also taught us to be more hopeful, to see things positively, and to be expectant that something good can still happen., and the irony of this is it teaches us to be grateful. 

Grateful?? For 2020? With all those ugly things that happened??

                            Is there anything worth being thankful for?

Well, first is...

 We're still alive.

     If you search on the internet, you will see that there are 1.81 Million people had died because of the virus worldwide. The mere fact that you/we are still breathing up to this moment means that we still have a purpose. It means God is not done with your life yet.

We have plenty of time.

    Because everything is paused now, and we are not allowed to go out, we spent more time with our family; with all the horrors of this year, it feels good to think that this year also have most precious moments with our fam. and it gives us also time for our self, those solitude and calm moments are precious for me to reflect and to do things that I didn't do before because I don't have time. 

The kindness of others.

    Personally, I feel so blessed to think that I have a roof over my head, and I didn't experience starving. But not everyone is as blessed as I am. Thankfully, the kindness of others arises at this time. We saw how helpful others can be, and it's very inspiring to see how people help each other during this crisis. truly, when it is dark, light shines the brightest.

Nature. 

    This year made us appreciate our nature more. A lot of people actually became plantito/plantita at this time. 

Internet.

   We're so lucky that we have access to the internet now, unlike the people 100 years ago who experienced flu pandemic. Imagine how bored they were. 

These are just a few; I'm sure you also have something in your mind right now that you're thankful for. And before the pandemic, we took for granted many of those things. 

My point is even if everything that is happening right now doesn't make sense, there's still have something to be grateful for. May we have that faith in the one that is in control, know that He is too wise to be mistaken. Be hopeful that these suffering, frustrations, disappointments, and hardships are just preparing us for what awaits us next year. 

Personally, I feel so blessed that I have experienced all of this with my family by my side, and I thank God for their lives. They have been and always will be my inspiration to fight and to strive in life. I'm also thankful that I have friends that are there for me, whatever happens. Before, I have many "friends," but 2020 made me see who the real ones are. There are few people that I can call my friend now, and to those people, thank you for checking up on me once in a while for all those "I'm here" calls, chats, and texts. I appreciate you all—Mahal ko kayo. 🤍

May we enter the new year with a clean heart and let go of the hurt and frustrations. May we all hold on to the dreams that we have and be expectant that 2021 will be the year that it will be fulfilled. Remember that Nothing is impossible to Him. Let your faith rise through deaths, fears, shutdowns, lockdowns, pain, trials, and sorrows of 2020. Be prepared for breakthrough, triumph, blessings, new memories, and experiences of 2021. 

Happy New Year! 

ADULTING?

 Before, when I hear the word "ADULTING," what I think about is work-life, Bills, love life tapos bills uliit hehe, but after watching the video circulating online today, it made me realize  that being an adult is more than those petty things. It has something to do with the next generation.  We as adults, we have an impact on the younger people around us, whether it's bad or good and whether we like it or not. 

HOW? 

By OBSERVING (I think). I remember the line from the 1990's  Nestle' Philippines' advertisement   "ANG MALI NA GINAGAWA NG MATANDA, NAGIGING TAMA SA PANINGIN NG BATA."  A little bit cliché, but it's still true, right? It just basically means, whatever adults are doing, young people will think that it is right, because they think we knew everything and because they know that we have more experience in life than them. That is why we need to be careful with our words, choices, and actions because one way or another, it will definitely have an effect on how they think and react. 

I'm now talking about the girl on that video; she is receiving a lot of hates on the internet today, which is I perfectly understand, because even me, I was troubled, sobrang alarming ng reaction and facial expressions nya,  pero napaisip din ako, Paano kaya sya naging ganoon? Obviously, there is a problem in this girl's heart for her to react like that,  and I'm certain that the family/environment in which she grew up has/having a bad influence on her, and that is the sad part, just because Daddy nya 'yon, Akala Nya, Lahat ng gawin nito ay tama. What if she continues to grow up like that and have that kind of mindset and having no respect for other people's lives. I feel sorry for that kid. Honestly, she needs help. 

Will you let people like that live with your younger siblings and future children these coming years? or will you stand up and take up space as an older individual to help them realize and to show them how to be a proper citizen. 

I realized how important to have a proper upbringing for a child. Home is their first school, and parents are their first teacher. It means the family is the foundation of a person's principle. Sa Pamilya magsisimula ang pag respeto, pananampalataya at pasensya ng isang tao. Sa tahanan dapat unang nararanasan ang pagmamahal na ibabahagi natin sa mga taong makakasalamuha natin. 

...and by realizing these, I became scared to be a parent (in the future pa! hehe), Because I was thinking, what will be my influence on my future children? Can I raise them well? Can I give them a good environment to grow up to?  Am I a good person enough to raise another good person? Would I be a good example to them?

May kasabihan nga tayo, "Kung ano ang puno, siya ang bunga" and it leads me to  ask myself; If my future children will become like me today, Magiging proud ba ako bilang magulang? Well, I will just keep my answer to myself, hehe. 

I am trying to say here that as a grown-up person, we have this responsibility to act right as long as we can, not just because it is the right thing to do, but because there are young eyes that are watching us. We influence them, so if we want a good future, we should build these future generations around us. Sabi ni Rizal, "Kabataan ang pag-asa ng bayan" but we need to help them know what that means, and the best way to do it is to show them how to be the "HOPE" that our country and world needs. 

My heart is crying for Gregorio Family. I hope proper justice will be serve. 

#StopTheKillingsPH 📢

Choices

When I was young, gusto ko na agad lumaki or tumada because I want to know how it feels to be an adult, I want to experience things that only adults are allowed to, I thought life is like, pag matanda ka na, you can do whatever you want to do. But I was wrong ❌ Being a grown person is more than being independent and free, it's not about something I saw growing up.

In between being a kid/teenager and who you want to be in the future, there's a lot of decision-makings to do, what course you're going to take in college, what school or university you want to study, what sort of individuals you're going to associate yourself with, stuff like those.
I have read a quote that says, "The decisions you make today will not just affect your tomorrow but will determine your future."   and that, I think, is very true. The decisions that we are making in our lives now will certainly have an effect on our future, even how small these decisions are.

 Before, I was too impulsive when it comes to decision making, I'm doing things quickly without thinking about what the outcome will be, that's why there are things in my life that I somehow regret, I have too many what ifs and there are things that I wish I had realized then.  

It's so important to know that when we're about to do a huge decision, we must set aside our emotion. Good decisions are the result of clear thinking not strong emotion, maybe because sometimes when the emotions are high, wisdom is low, so before we do something, especially when we know that it's result will be permanently, ask yourself if you're just being emotional.  In situations like this, it's also important that you are surrounded by good people, because sometimes, they can affect the way you think, act and speak. 

 Another thing is, I think you should ask yourself what you really want, because if we don't know what what's our desired outcome, it's easy to be a little undecisive. Give yourself time to think. Don't do things too quickly if its result will be permanently, You should be ready to embrace all the pros and cons of it, be courageous and Don't be afraid to make decisions in your life, because that's your life after all, no one will do it for you. In fact, the worst decision that you're gonna make is choosing to make no decision at all. 

Making decisions is tough, and sometimes were avoiding it because we know that it can change our lives.  Life, however, has a way of requiring you to decide on certain aspects. Even if we don't want to, there are circumstances when we need to make choices and sometimes we're avoiding it because were afraid to let someone or something go, and we're scared to get hurt. Every choices that we're going to make can either make us or break us. Whatever it will be, it will surely make you grow, and that is what you need, to grow and be wiser. There is no growth without loss and pain; be open in possibilities.

Always do something today that your future self will be thankful for. :)

Pinili

Ako'y namangha nang sinabi mong

Pinipili mo ako

At nakita ko kung gaano ka kasigurado

Alam mo ang lahat sa akin 

Pero ako parin kahit hindi pilitin 

Nagtataka ako 

Nakakalito 

Bakit nga ba ako? 

Diba't tumalikod ako sayo? 

Pero ang sagot mo, 

"Dahil mahal kita, palagi kang pipiliin ng puso ko" 

Sa tagpong iyon, alam ko

At sigurado ako

Magbabago ang tingin ko sa buhay, sa pag ibig, sa sarili, sa mundo at sayo. 

Nagbago ang buhay kong

Nakulong sa pagsisisi 

Naunawaan ko ang proseso nito 

Natutunan kong patawarin ang sarili ko. 

Sa tinagal tagal kong naniniwala 

Na wala akong halaga sayo, 

Pinakita mo sakin ang konteksto pag ibig mo

Sa Panahon na inakala kong wala akong halaga sa mundo mo

Pinulot mo ako sa mismong pinagbagsakan ko. 

Kung mababalik ko lang ang panahon, 

Sana ang mundo'y hindi na nilingon 

Pero heto ako ngayon, 

Kahit naligaw ng mahabang panahon

Iniuwi parin sa lilim ng panginoon. 

-Mikee Principe. 

Tama Na! Naitama na Nya.

Sa Tagpuan, Tanong ni Moira,

"Paano mo naitama ang tadhana?"

Sa Isip, Tanong ko naman, 

Tama bang Mali ay Itama pa?

Sa haba, bigat at lalim ng pagtingin, 

Napipigilan ba ang damdamin? 

Sa tagal mo syang ipinalangin, 

Hanggang Ngayon nagdududa ka parin?

Nagawan ng daan bago ka maligaw

Hinawakan bago ka bumitaw

Alam ng Pag-ibig bago mo hingin 

Maling tadhana't panalangin 

Tama  na! Itinama na nya. 

Huwag Madaliin

Paglalakbay mo'y iba sa kanya,
Nakalaan sayo ay ipinlano na Niya, 👆
Kaya't panahon ay huwag mong habulin,
Sa bilis nito, baka ikaw ay tangayin,
Alam na nya bago mo ipanalangin,
Magtiwala sa Pag ibig iyong piliin. 

Wag mong madiliin

Panahon mo'y darating din.